The Dirty Diaper
by HisLittleBunny
Summary: Ron and Hermione baby-sit. A better, more disgusting summary available inside.


**Characters: Ron/Hermione (Hint of Ginny/Harry)  
Rating: K+, I guess for some smoochy smooching.  
Plot: Ron's left to babysit Teddy, but when Hermione the Heroine steps in to help, we learn that to achieve that happy, clean feeling, one must change a few diapers... (Oh, gross. Forgive me, it's 11:25 pm and I'm far too tired to make sense!)  
Disclaimer: WELL I don't own Ron or Hermione or Molly or Andromeda or Teddy or Harry or Ginny or anything that has to do with Harry Potter because my name is Brinny and not JK Rowling. Now I'm sad. :'( Guess you'll have to review to make me feel happier? :P**

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"Ron, dear. I need to talk to you." Molly Weasley calls to her youngest son, who's sitting on his bed with a scowl across his face. He rolls his eyes, but follows his mum's voice to the ground floor, where she's sitting at the kitchen table.

"Listen, it's Friday, and Andromeda really needs to get out, so she and I are going out for bit of a 'hen' night." She smiles at her son, who's about to make a clever retort. "You keep your mouth shut, Ronald Weasley."

Ron shakes his head. "Right."

"Well, as I was saying, we're going out, and, well someone needs to keep an eye on Teddy." She gestures to the baby seat sitting next to her.

"He can't be more than three months old, mum. All he does is poos and sleeps- it's not like anyone needs to watch him."

His mum's hard look fades the smile off his face. "I was only joking!" He cries.

"It'd be very nice of you to do this. With everything Tonks and Remus did for us..." She looks out the window sadly. Ron watches helplessly, wishing he could snap her out of her reverie.

It has been two months since the Second Wizarding War ended, and everything is starting to return to normal. The Trio, plus Ginny, have been home for two weeks after finding Hermione's parents in Australia. Harry was now permanently staying at the Burrow, while Hermione would pop in every week to visit for a few days. Fred was buried just inside the Burrow's property, keeping him in their hearts. George was coping fairly well: He'd been getting close with Angelina and reopened the shop. Most of the Death Eaters have been caught and were going through trials. Harry and Ron received news about becoming Aurorswhile Hermione decided to go back to school with Ginny, where Professor McGonagall would be their Headmistress.

Molly shakes her head, as if waking herself up. "We'll be leaving really soon, and won't be back for at least a few hours."

Ron is about to comply, before realization washes over him. "What about Harry? Isn't he Teddy's Godfather?" Ron isn't too fond of the idea of baby-sitting; He was only a year older than Ginny, so baby-sitting her as they grew up never happened. Fred and George were usually in charge, if Percy wasn't around, but if you asked Ron, he'd much prefer his mother to stay around.

"Harry is out tonight, with Ginny." Molly tries to stifle her smile, but Ron catches her.

"Of course, you'd let him skive off on responsibility... He's bound to be your favorite son." Ron grumbles, only half-annoyed. As much as the idea of Ginny dating made him mental, he's glad she's with Harry rather than some random stranger.

Molly chuckles and gets up from her seat. "Silly boy. I could never pick favorites." She tries to get on her tip-toes to kiss her son, but because she's so short and he's so tall, he has to bend forward for her to reach. She pats his cheek. "Please don't worry, okay?"

Ron shakes her off, but is secretly pleased she said that. It's something that always bugged him- reaching up to his brothers' potential.

"Molly?" A tired voice calls out, and from the sitting room walks in Andromeda Tonks. The weight of the war really impacted her in the past few months: Her kind eyes have a tired, glassy look to them, her face is wrinkled in exhaustion and even her brightest smiles seem fake. Ron knew at once that he could take a night off from being annoyed with Hermione to take care this womans' grandson.

"Yes, dear, we're just about to leave. I was letting Ron know how to take care of Teddy... Do you have any suggestions?"

Andromeda gives Ron a small smile before walking to the baby seat. She pulls a bundle with turquois hair out, and snuggles it close. "Just make sure you feed him the formula at least every two to three hours. And always check his nappy- even if he's asleep." Ron pulls a slight face at the word _nappy_, but when Andromeda holds the baby out to him, he doesn't hesitate to take him from her. He smiles down at the baby, who's still asleep.

After half a minute of silence, Molly shares a smile with Andromeda. "Well, Ronnie, we'll be off. You take care, right?" Ron nods, and continues to smile at the baby in his arms. "There's a bag under this table with everything you'll need: the formula, some toys, and some clean nappies." Ron doesn't look up. Molly and her friend go through the Floo, to a location Ron was too busy admiring the baby to hear.

"You're really cute, you know?" The baby doesn't stir. "I wouldn't mind having you around more often, actually."

The baby's eyes are closed, but Ron knows even if they were open he wouldn't know what color they are supposed to be. They change so often- he takes after his mother in that aspect.

Ron can also see mini-features of Remus Lupin etched on the baby's face. Ron walks into the sitting room, slowly, and sits on the couch.

"This is going to be really easy." He mutters, leaning back and closing his eyes like the baby.

Unfortunately, at that very moment, Teddy's eyes open, and, sensing a stranger holding him, begins crying.

Ron stands up, and immediately begins rocking the baby. "Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no..."

The baby continues to cry, and his hair turns a furious red. Ron pulls a face. "I take back what I said about this being easy, you know!" Ron rushes to the kitchen, and sets the baby on the table. He pulls open the blankets that had kept Teddy bundled and tries to figure out how to get the onesie off. Teddy continues squalling, and is now thrashing his arms and legs.

"Now, now, there's no need for that!" Ron tells the baby nervously, as he finds the buttons on the back of the outfit and takes the whole thing off, leaving the baby in just a nappy.

"If you've pooed yourself, I'll never forgive you." He unstraps the nappy, and finds his worst nightmare.

"What did you _eat_, man?" Ron shakes his head. He wraps the nappy back on the baby, and rubs his forehead. "This can't be happening!"

He hears a pop in the next room over, and his face flashes with relief. "I'm saved!" He says to the baby, who's too busy crying to care.

"Teddy's destroyed his nappy and I need help changi-" Ron stops mid-way when he sees who's in the room ."Oh."

Hermione is leaning around Ron, looking into the kitchen. "Teddy did _what_?" She asks, taking her evening jacket off and running to the kitchen. For the moment, she's forgotten their previous row. "Ronald! Who thought it'd be smart to leave you here with Teddy? Thankfully, your mum sent me an owl asking for help... Poor baby!" She coos, grabbing the bag under the table and pulling out a fresh nappy, baby wipes and baby powder.

Ron is standing over her, looking curiously at what she's grabbed. He has no idea what those things are. He watches in awe as Hermione pulls the nappy off and grabs the wipes. Like a professional, she cleans the baby's bottom. She then sprinkles some powder on him, and puts a new nappy on. She hands the old diaper to Ron. "Toss this out," she snaps. The baby's crying dies down, and comes to a stop as Hermione scoops him up and kisses his nose.

"There, Teddy, all better?" The baby smiles, and his hair turns light blue.

"How'd you_ do_ that?" Ron asks incredulously, as he tosses the diaper out and simultaneously forgets her digs at him earlier.

"I've had experience." Hermione answers cryptically, taking the baby back to the sitting room. She's rocking him back and forth, and turns to Ron. "Do you know when Ginny will be back?"

"As soon as Harry is." Ron says, sitting on the sofa and watching her carefully.

Hermione shoots him an exasperated look. "Well, yes, Ronald. I would assume that they'd be back at the same time... What with them being on a _date_."

"You knew they were out?" His eyes are still on the baby in her arms.

"Ginny told me." She stops rocking Teddy and looks at Ron. "What are you staring at?"

Ron shakes his head. "Nothing. Do you reckon he's hungry?"

"I'm sure he's not like you- hungry at the drop of a dime." Hermione says, trying not to smile. "Will he just sleep in his baby seat? I think he's ready to go back to bed." Ron takes this to mean '_Will you go get the baby seat?_' and rushes to the kitchen. When he comes back, he sees the baby fast asleep in Hermione's arms.

"You're really good at that, you know." He tells her, as she lays Teddy down in his baby-seat.

Hermione puts a finger to her lips, and Ron stops talking. They carefully make their way to the kitchen. Ron, out of habit, pulls a seat out for her, which she takes warily.

"I used to baby sit during third and fourth year." She whispers. Ron nods, and leans back in his seat. "Don't do that- if you tip back and fall-"

Ron cuts her off. "I'm sure I'll be _fine_." He smirks at her.

"I was going to say: If you fall and wake Teddy, I'm not putting him back to bed." The smirk slides off Ron's face. He lets the seat go back to standing on four legs, and crosses his arms.

"Did my mum ask you to stay the whole time, or...?" Ron asks bluntly.

Hermione doesn't appear upset at his crude question. "Well, no. She suggested I pop over a few hours before I was expected, because you'd be baby-sitting. Ginny wanted me to stay here for a few days."

Ron nods. "I see. Well." He eyes her up and down. "This should be fun."

Ron knows his sister, and he knows Harry, too. He knows that they'll do anything to push their date into being longer, and longer, which means his mum had a good chance of being home first. Which, inevitably means, Ron and Hermione have a good four hours stuck together- alone.

_If only this night had occurred before Monday_, Ron finds himself thinking. _This could have been really romantic..._

Hermione sighs. "I still can't fathom why they'd leave you here with Teddy."

"Oh, sorry I'm such a big git. Maybe I'll just go, then. You seem to have it under control." Ron snapped, standing up. Once again, Hermione sighs.

"Why must you be so defensive all the time, Ron? I was just saying, since you hardly have baby-sitting experience. I mean, there must be dozens of people your mum knows who could have helped out tonight."

Ron doesn't say anything, but he does sit back down. He lays his head on his arms, which are sprawled across the table.

They're both so silent that they can hear baby Teddy's deep breaths. It's reassuring, and for some reason, it gives Ron a boost of confidence. He lifts his head up and locks his eyes into Hermione's. He's really minutes away from apologizing when Hermione furrows her brow.

"Is that dirt on your nose?" She asks annoyingly. Ron feels the desire to say sorry flush out of his body as he rubs his nose with his hand. _She knows I'm self-conscious about this..._

"Probably." he scoffs, trying to hide the fact that his face is growing red.

Hermione looks away, and Ron's certain she's stifling a giggle, which sends more blood pulsating through his head. He takes a moment to calm down, before clearing his throat.

"Well, I'm heading up to my room. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to hear Teddy from there." He stands up, and is surprised to see her get up as well. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hardly going to sit around here bored, am I?"

"Does that mean you're leaving?"

Hermione rolls her eyes. "Don't bother _hiding_ your enthusiasm. And no, I'm not. I'm going with you." Ron doesn't say anything back, but as they walk up the stairs, her in front of him, _of course_, he mouths the foulest words he can think of to her back. _That'll show her._

When they reach Ron's door, Hermione turns and looks at Ron expectantly. He shoots her a look, and she says, snidely, "Well, aren't you going to open the door?"

Ron sighs and yanks the door open. He doesn't let it slam open, however, because he doesn't want Teddy to wake up again. He slumps across his messy room to his bed, where he resumes his earlier position.

Hermione makes her way, daintily, to Harry's bed, which is only slightly neater than Ron's. She gives the room a disdainful look, but doesn't say anything. Ron doesn't say anything. They sit in silence.

Silence.

_Silence._

_Ron can't believe what he just said. If he could attach a Hoover to his mouth and suck back up what he just said, he would in a heart beat._

_"Hermione, I'm so sor-"_

_"Save it, Ronald." Her voice cracks a bit, and the look she's giving him is the very same look she gave Malfoy in third year. Right before she hit him. _

_Hermione yanks her hands back- they had been holding hands- and gets up from the Burrow's kitchen table. "I realize that you want me around, but at the same time, my parents need me. They aren't especially happy with me right now, and... Are you even listening?"_

_Ron had been listening, in fact, he was just trying to think of the best solution to this issue. Unfortunately, his brain was stuck. _

_He was so stupid. He hadn't _meant_ to suggest that he was more important than her family. He'd just wanted her to stay for a few days. He was planning on making a move, planning on kissing her for the second time, and he reckoned it would take some time, but now... Well, that went down the shit hole, didn't it? _

_He was still stuck on the fact that they'd kissed last month, and just the memory of that special, perfect first kiss left him breathless. He knew, at that moment, that Hermione was the one. He just had to prove it to her somehow._

_"I know it, Ron. You _weren't_ listening to me. Well, I have more important things to do than sit here and be ignored! I'm leaving!" She jumped up and walked stiffly over to the fireplace. "Tell Ginny I'll be back this Friday." _

_And like that, she'd left, and didn't speak to him again._

_Silence_.

The silence is broken when Hermione makes a slight coughing noise.

Without thinking, Ron bursts out, "Who're you, Umbridge?" There's a flash of a smile on Hermione's face, before her expression darkens. Ron doesn't try to hide his smile. "What did you need, Hermione?"

"I was only wondering when the last time you _boys_ cleaned your room was." She says stiffly. Ron looks around, and spies his copy of Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches on the floor. Right in front of Hermione's dangling feet.

"Um. Last week?" Ron stutters, standing up. Hermione's eyes look into his- her confused ones trying to read his frantic ones.

"I think you guys should probably clean it..." She states. Her voice is dripping with suspicion. Ron tries to laugh it off, and shuffles closer to Hermione. A stroke of genius strikes him, and he grabs a dirty shirt and pair of pants off the ground.

"Why don't we make a dirty clothes pile, then?" He suggests, tossing the clothes in a pile- right at Hermione's feet. She takes it as him being immature and rolls her eyes, and the book is completely covered. _Yes!_

Hermione stands up. "You shouldn't keep your dirty clothing in a _pile_, Ronald. It's unsanitary." She reaches down to grab the clothes when Ron grabs her arm.

"Don't touch those, Hermione." He racks his brain for an excuse but can't come up with one, so instead, he pulls her close to him and wraps her in a hug.

"Ronald! What _are_ you _doing_?" She struggles to get out of his grip but he's too strong. He lifts her up and moves her away from the clothing pile. "Let me go!"

Ron smiles down at his bushy-haired friend and feels his heart racing. He wonders if Hermione can feel it- pounding so fast that it's bound to burst. All Ron wants to do is lean down and kiss her... She's so close, and... She's stopped struggling? She's looking up in his eyes and they're... Smiling?

Ron may have the emotional range of a teaspoon, but he also knows a good moment when he sees one, so he leans down to do what he's been wanting to do for two long months. He leans down to kiss her. Closer, closer, closer. He feels her breath on his lips. Closer. Her eyes are shut. He shuts his eyes, and feels her bushy hair tickle his long nose. Closer...

Suddenly, Teddy lets loose an ear-splitting scream, which causes Ron and Hermione to snap away from each other. Hermione's cheeks go pink, while Ron's whole face turns red, as the two of them jog down the stairs to get to Teddy.

His hair is now black, and his face is red from screaming. Hermione scoops him up and shushes him, while nodding to the kitchen. She's telling Ron something, but he can't hear what she's saying over his screaming.

"What?" Ron yells, cupping his ear.

Hermione says what she says again, and Ron hears only half of it- 'Grab... His... Please!'

Ron gestures to his ear again, and Hermione rolls her eyes. She moves closer to Ron and says, as loud as she possibly can, "_Will you grab Teddy his bottle, please!"_

As quick as a blast-ended skrewt, Ron shoots forward into the kitchen and searches nervously for the diaper bag. Unfortunately, he can't remember where it was. He's panicking, and Teddy's cries only get louder. Ron drops to all fours and crawls around on the floor finally finding the bag tucked under the chair. He reaches into the bag, only to find the bottle empty. Ron lets out a strangled cry as Hermione walks in, the baby still crying at the top of his lungs.

"Do we have to make a new bottle?" Hermione yells. Ron nods, and tries to hand her the bottle, but Hermione shakes her head and continues rocking Teddy.

Ron looks at Hermione in confusion. He lifts his hands up in a, _What am I supposed to do? _gesture, to which Hermione sighs. She hands Teddy to Ron, and reaches in the bag. She pulls out a can filled with white powder, and mixes it with water. She hands the now full bottle to Ron and gestures for him to put it into Teddy's mouth. Ron complies, and Teddy's crying immediately ceases. His hair turns to a peach color, which matches his skin tone. Ron shoots Hermione a grateful smile, which she returns. The two head to the living room and watch the baby eat half the bottle.

"Goodness." Hermione laughs. "He sure is hungry." Ron laughs, too, and looks up to see Hermione's eyes zeroed in on his. "Reminds me of you." She says softly, and Ron can see the regret forming in her eyes.

"Hermione, I'm so-" Ron starts, but Hermione gestures for him to stop.

"No, I'm sorry. I was a big prat."

Ron doesn't say anything for a minute, because Teddy begins fussing again. Hermione sighs and reaches for the baby. She grabs a washcloth from the baby's carrier and drapes it on her chin. Then she props Teddy on her shoulder, and pats his back. Ron watches as some of the liquid splashes onto Hermione's shoulder, thankfully on the rag, and he feels disgusted. _Sure_, he might eat like a pig in a trough, but at least he doesn't spit it back up, right?

Teddy lets out a little burp, to which Hermione lets out a soothing, _"Good boy, Teddy."_ She rocks him a bit until he passes out again, and she sets him back in his carrier. He doesn't stir again. Hermione looks back at Ron.

Ron shakes his head. "Hermione, you aren't an idiot. I wasn't being very sensitive."

Hermione doesn't argue with him, but moves closer to Ron and grabs his hand. She begins playing with his fingers and looks up at him.

Ron can't help it at this point. "I really like you, Hermione." His face goes aflame. "I mean, uh, wow. Not sure why I said that. I mean, I am, but..." He can't continue with this. He lets his hands go limp in Hermione's lap. He feels her shuddering beside him and he's embarrassed. He lifts his head to apologize again when he sees her giggling.

"Ron! I really like you, too! Don't get so nervous. Just because you messed up doesn't mean I don't like you anymore." Ron smiles.

"Same for you, Hermione."

The pair inches closer and closer until Ron reaches around Hermione's head and puts his arm around her. Her eyes are smiling, again, and this time, Ron looks to Teddy. The baby is still sound asleep. Ron moves forward, towards Hermione's big brown eyes and soft pink lips.

He leans in and kisses her, perfectly, for the second time. It's not as crazy, not as frantic, not as worrisome as their first kiss but it's just as passionate. Hermione opens her mouth slightly, giving Ron permission to deepen the kiss, and the two sit like that, for seconds, minutes, hours, _days_, whatever, and neither of them hear footsteps approaching.

Andromeda and Molly are done early. They made a mistake and got a little carried away in a Muggle bar, resulting in getting just enough odd looks and complaints to be kicked out. The pair headed home, and meet the sight of Ron and Hermione, kissing on the sofa.

Normally, Molly would be in, smacking her youngest son's ears, but this time, Andromeda is smiling at the pair. "Let them be, just for now." Her sad brown eyes are filled with tears, but it's a different kind of crying, Molly is sure.

So she agrees with Andromeda, and they leave again, giving Ron and Hermione the chance to be what they _always _should have been.

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**A/N: Aren't I a big sap? Haha, I love Ron and Hermione.**

**I always figured Hermy would have baby-sat for extra money, and Ron, well, I don't think he's stupid, I just don't think he has experience. Ginny was only a year younger, he couldn't exactly change diapers while he was still in one, could he?**

**This is a part of my Post DH universe I'm creating. Hopefully, there'll be a couple prequels and lots of sequels. Well... I'd say read and review, but I'm assuming you've already read, so just review! :D**


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